Example essay rewrite

               Its been said that patience is a virtue. I totally lack patience. I know I do and I am perfectly fine admitting it. Considering I have three kids, one would assume I have an abundance of patience, however it seems to be quite the opposite. I don't take it well when my kids have "childish" accidents, or make "silly" mistakes. I would say that with each child I had, I lost a bit of patience in the making. I also have a lack of patience with the day itself. That's right, I actually find myself looking at the clock quite often wondering why the day is ticking away so slowly. My lack of patience is also a annoyance to myself, I am a big believer in the fact that our time on earth is short so make the best of each day. If that is my philosophy then how can I possibly have a problem with patience?
                 I have three kids, ages 8,6 and 4. I love them dearly and with all my heart, but boy do they drive me crazy! I know that kids act there age and mine are all still young, so part of me wants to accept there wild and crazy behavior and take it with a smile. The other, more impatient part of me wants to have a remote control for them and be able to utilize all the buttons. I would use the mute and volume button for sure daily. I find that the thing that i love the most about my childrens play habits is also often the most hated. All three have a great sense of imagination and can play for hours on end with out much more than a cardboard box and a roll of tape. This can be a blessing on rainy days spent inside but its also inevitable that whenever we are on a time crunch and need to get out of the house, my kids will not budge from there fort of blankets or game of supermarket, i just don't have the patience for that! I was told as a child that kids are supposed to be seen and not heard, and as I mentioned before I am a only child, so I'm sure that most of my lack of patience with my kids stems back to that and the fact that I never had to deal with extra noise in my house. My lack of patience with my children is the one thing that I find myself consistently working on in my life on a daily basis. I wish more than anything that I would be able to interact with them on a better level and show more compassion and patience. 
                   I also have a lack of patience with the hours in the day.  You know that feeling you have when you are waiting for a special day to come and you jsut want those days previous to it to go as fast as they possibly can ? Welcome to my world because that's  pretty much how i feel all the time. Those 24 hours go as slow as a snail and I am desperate for them to go faster than they do. I know this is not the norm, actually it may be the exact opposite of most people ; who feel there isn't enough hours in the day.  I however, pack my day full of all the things I consider "on track" with my goals like taking classes at school, volunteering within the community, and my oh so never ending church related commitments. When  I am finished  I just want the day to be done, I don't have any patience for those extra hours of relaxation.
                My life hasn't turned out exactly how I had imagined it would, but lets face it, thats the way life is, right? When I was younger I had great, dramatic plans for my life after high school, I never imagined I would have gotten pregnant as a senior in high school. I put my plans on hold and have waited 8 years since my first child was born to pick up where I left off. When I was nothing more than a stay at home mom, I had  lost that intenseness for life, I could see this happening and was disturbed by it but too far gone into domestic bliss to do much of anything about it. Now that I am in college and all my kids are in school all day I have found that drive again. Along with this drive comes my impatience. I want my life in order now!  
                 I've always known that I want things when I want them and that life doesn't exactly work that way. I guess I would say its a good thing that I am overly optisimistic because if I wasn't then my life would be a constant disappointment. It's an understatement when I say that I lack patience, not only do I lack patience dealing with my family and in tsmy personal life, but I am so bad that I actually have no patience for life in general. I don't know what has made me this way and I don't know how exactly I should go about changing this but I do know that there has been and always will be 24 hours in a day and noisy children so I better just get used to it. 

Example Essay Intro

It's been said that patience is a virtue. I totally lack patience. I know I do and I am perfectly fine admitting it. Considering I have three kids, one would assume I have an abundance of patience, however it seems to be quite the opposite. I don't take it well when my kids have "childish" accidents, or make "silly" mistakes.  I would say that with each child I had, I lost a bit of patience in the making. I also have a lack of patience with the day itself. That's right, I actually find myself looking at the clock quite often wondering why the day is ticking away so slowly. My lack of patience is also a annoyance to myself, I am a big believer in the fact that our time on earth is short so make the best of each day. If that is my philosophy then how can I possibly have a problem with patience?

Graf #19 Reaction to timed essay

I actually was totally fine with the timed essay. I usually work much better under pressure and procrastinate until I absolutely have to do something. Having a timed essay, even though it was the "honor system"  gave me that extra push to get it done in time.  I was really worried that it wasn't enough of a contrast essay and that I would receive negative comments about that, but it seemed to be well received. Maybe it's because GOldfine felt pity on me for all the re-writes I have had to do ?? Just kidding. I haven't checked since I posted my essay but at that time I was the only one who had chosen the "dirt" topic. It made me feel good to know I was going the adventurous route!

Timed Contrast Essay

               I don't remember much of my childhood. I am a only child and my parents divorced when I was eight years old, after that I grew up with a really overprotective, borderline agoraphobic mother. I'm not going to straight out say that she ruined my childhood, but she pretty much did. I never got to experience all those "dirty" adolescent things that all the other kids did, I couldn't play school sports,   I wasn't allowed to run around playing outside with my friends and we never went camping or spent any great deal of time outdoors. I made it my goal as I became a adult that I would experience the world more than I was ever  allowed to.
             I started small by working on adjusting my screwed up view of what having a dirty house meant. I began slowly cutting down my cleaning regimen. There's one thing to have a clean house and there's another thing to be consistently cleaning in order to have a spic and span house. I've learned over the years that unless you are in a hospital, nothing needs to be sterile. This is still something I struggle with once in a while. I need to allow myself to have some "dirt" in my house. I still find myself choosing to do the dishes instead of playing a rousing game of UNO with the kids. This is definitely a work in progress.
                It took me a while but now I really enjoy playing out side in the dirt with my kids.This may sound like such a small task but when you grow up never doing this you find yourself thinking of this as such a strange concept. I actually felt like it was weird to be outside "choosing" to get down and dirty with nature! Now there's no hesitation and we spend our afternoons climbing trees, digging in the dirt, making mud pies and playing every out door game or sport that we can think of. I don't mind how "dirty" we get or how hard it is to get the grass stains out of our clothes because it's all worth it to me.
                 We never really took advantage of the camping and hiking opportunity's  there were when we lived in Arizona. I just wasn't at that mentality yet to be able to get that "dirty", especially Arizona dirt, because it's basically sand and in my eyes that's way worse than soil. Hiking and camping in Maine came slowly, but surely. We started off at campgrounds where we rented cabins and had all the "luxuries" like bathrooms and camp stores, I still had a hard time with feeling "dirty". Eventually as time went on and we had camped more and more, we made our way up to Peaks-Kenny state park where there's still all those luxuries, we just stayed in a tent this time. One step at a time is what I tell myself, and as long as I feel my kids are getting all the experiences that a child should have then I am going to be happy with that.
               My motto for my life is "Have no regrets" and this story is a perfect example of why. I have spent so much time blaming my mother for the way she raised me and the sheltered life she made me live. It took me years of trying new things and hating them all because I felt "dirty" and unkempt.  I am so grateful that I could overcome this oppression that she put me through and move on with my life. I enjoy every single minute of the time I spend outdoors getting "dirty" with my kids. If I don't have grass stains and dirt spots on my kids clothing at the end of the day then I know we didn't have as much fun as we could have. I am by no means a extreme outdoorsy person and I am not even in as good shape as I could be, but it doesn't mean that I don't enjoy being outside and in nature getting fresh air and dirty. 

Contrast Essay

              Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which do I prefer? If you have asked me 2 years ago I would have told you without hesitation, City. It's now been three years since my husband and I uprooted our three kids from our hometown of Phoenix, AZ and moved cross country to the small town of Harmony, Maine.  I am currently undecided, there are pro's and con's to both city and rural living and I am still figuring them all out. There are so many differences between living in a big city and living in a small rural area, even though there might only be a couple hundred of miles between you and what you used to know, you might as well be in a whole new country.
              I do know that most people need to work to make a living and it just seems to me that getting to and from work is easier in a big city. There are less people living in small towns and therefore less public transportation. If you want to get anywhere you need to have your own car. I've also learned quickly that in small towns, especially small Maine towns; the road conditions aren't the same as in the city. There may be bumps, unfilled potholes and plain old falling apart pavement heaves. This can reek havoc on your car and is definitely not a perk, this is something we experience all the time in Harmony. In the city it's quite common for the workplace to be within walking distance or at least a close drive, but in small towns like Harmony;  unless you are working at the town's country store of laundromat/ tanning/ movie store you will end up driving at least an hour. This has personally been a huge challenge for my family because It's bad enough that my husband is gone before the kids wake up and then works a 10 hour work day but he then has to drive an hour just to get home. To some this might be the price you pay for the peace and quiet of the country.
               Everybody needs a little fun in their lives, and I am certainly no different. What I had missed most of city living was all the entertainment options. When you live in a big city, you have much greater access to a variety of venues and you are exposed to all sorts of different cultures. I missed all the places I could shop and all the restaurants that we could check out .By contrast, small towns generally don’t get nearly as much variety, and everything closes so early; but most people in small towns can and do drive to nearby cities to take advantage of amenities like the shopping and concerts and so on.  I don't miss any of that anymore, I enjoy the peace and quiet of the small town I live in and have no desire for all the hustle and bustle. We have lakes all around us so there's always an opportunity to fish, swim, boat, and tube. We also have a few snowmobiles and there are tons of trails to use them. There's never a boring moment in my town of under 1000  residents and even though I never, ever thought I would become a homebody, I am now, and I am pleasantly surprised.
             We owned a beautiful 2 story house with 4 bedrooms and a loft in Arizona. When we found out we were moving to Maine we put it on the market and because the housing market was just beginning to collapse it sold quickly. We sold it for a good price which was really exciting but since we were inheriting my father in laws house I knew I wouldn't be able to enjoy picking out what I really  wanted in Maine. I had visions of all the old, well kept country homes that you see on the cover of L.L. Bean, what I got instead was a house the color of lime sherbert with wall to wall wood paneling, a falling apart barn and 40 acres of land. I have done some traveling across Maine in the time I've been here and have found that it really is just hit or miss when it comes to the condition, style and quality of the homes. On the same road you can find a three story colonial, a double wide trailer and a small ranch with a failing roof.  I have to admit I originally was afraid of the land we had because  I was only familiar with what we had in the city, small dirt backyards with concrete block walls to separate you from your neighbor. When I lived in the city I felt like large yards were overrated and just caused more work than you would want, boy was I wrong! I have fallen in love with our 40 acres and all the freedom, privacy and safety that it implies for our family.

            I've been living here in Maine for a little over three years and even though my homesickness for big city living in Arizona has subdued for now, I don't think I am ready to make my mind up about staying here in the "country" forever. I do prefer to live in my small isolated town in Maine right now because I think it's the best place to raise a family. I like the feeling of community, of "everyone knowing everyone," and all the small town happenings. I used to be afraid of how everyone knows your business in Harmony but I have come to learn that being part of a close knit community doesn't mean you're involved with everyone on a daily basis. In a small town you can be as involved or uninvolved as you'd like, and that works just fine for me!

First three annotated source list

 

 

 

 Zelman, Kathleen. "Lose Weight Fast: How to Do It Safely." WebMD. 17 Nov. 2010.  <http://www.webmd.com/diet/guide/lose-weight-fast-how-to-do-it-safely>.

 

I liked this article because it clearly told you the best way to lose weight without crazy diets.  I also liked how simple and easy it was to read and understand exactly what they were trying to say.

 

 

 "22 Weight Loss Do's and Don'ts" Health Status. 1 Nov. 2011.

<http://www.healthstatus.com/health_blog/2011/11/01/22-weight-loss-do%E2%80%99s-and-don%E2%80%99ts/>

This article was great because it had so much good information in it. I could answer a few of my question based on what I learned reading this article. 

 "Over the counter weight loss pills: Do they work?" Mayo Clinic. 11 Feb. 2011. <http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/weight-loss/HQ01160>

I found that I like how Mayo Clinic sets up their articles. I will use this same website to continue my research on prescription weight loss pills. Plus, Mayo Clinic is a well known name and I would assume that this attaches with trustworthy information.

 

 

 

graf 2 of contrast essay Revised

Everybody needs a little fun in their lives, and I am certainly no different. What I had missed most of city living was all the entertainment options. When you live in a big city, you have much greater access to a variety of venues and you are exposed to all sorts of different cultures. I missed all the places I could shop and all the restaurants that we could check out .By contrast, small towns generally don’t get nearly as much variety, and everything closes so early; but most people in small towns can and do drive to nearby cities to take advantage of amenities like the shopping and concerts and so on.  I don't miss any of that anymore, I enjoy the peace and quiet of the small town I live in and have no desire for all the hustle and bustle. We have lakes all around us so there's always an opportunity to fish, swim, boat, and tube. We also have a few snowmobiles and there are tons of trails to use them. There's never a boring moment in my town of under 1000  residents and even though I never, ever thought I would become a homebody, I am now, and I am pleasantly surprised.

Graf # 18 isearch progress report

I have begun my research by taking your advice and checking out google groups. There is so many groups for weight loss out there and google does a great job and having them organized so well. I don't to a lot of the actual "google groups" and don't want to have to apply and all that, so I am just using this tool as a more concentrated search tool. I also have done research on a ton of different diets, I still need to figure out a good way to narrow these down as I don't want the whole isearch to be only on diets but there are just so many out there! I think I am going to focus on just 1. low-carb, 2. low sugar, 3. low calorie.  That's about all I have done so far.

Contrast Intros # 1 and # 2 REVISED

Intro # 1 :

Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which is better? I guess it all depends on who is being asked. There are pro's and con's to each, and different kinds of people have different tastes as to where to live. I've been lucky enough to experience both within recent years, I moved to Harmony, Maine population 954 from Phoenix, AZ about 3 years ago. Even though I don't think I'm ready to make a decision on which I prefer, I can say that it sure is a culture shock. Moves are notoriously hard on anyone but when a huge uprising gets added to the mix, you just don't know what the emotional response will be. I pretty much freaked out immediately after arriving in Harmony, I actually went to see a therapist to "talk" about how crazy I felt people lived here, needless to say she thought I was the crazy one.



Intro # 2:

Culture shock. That's what you get when you take someone from a big city and place them in a small rural town. There are so many differences between living in a big city and living in a small rural area, even though there might only be a couple hundred of miles between you and what you used to know, you might as well be in a whole new country. I had a huge move about three years ago, I moved to Harmony, Maine with a population of 954 from Phoenix, AZ. I still haven't decided If I prefer it here, and If you're trying to find out what's the better choice for you, it might be helpful to weight the pro's and con's of each.There are advantages to both and you'll get different answers if you ask around for preferences, it all depends on who you ask.

Classification Essay

 Growing up I don't think I paid any attention to whether someone's house was clean or dirty. I just remember playing over at different friend's houses, but I never cared about what they looked like. Later in life I began paying more attention and soon realized that some people are " put things away in the right spot and call it clean" people while others are " everything needs to be wiped and dusted " people and then there always seems to be the " I have plenty of better things to do than clean so screw it" person. It's interesting to me that you never really know what someone's cleanliness level is until you have been inside there home. I have quite a little group of stay at home moms that I hang out with on a regular basis, they are all great, wonderful women but let me tell you; not one of them are the same when it comes to how they keep there home.
 Let's start with the "put things in the right spot and call it clean" classification. I've come to the  assumption that this is how the majority of women clean, simply because it's the easiest, quickest way to get noticeable results. I'd say that this style works really well for women who have a lot of random drop in house guests. I personally have used this style of cleaning on so many occasions I can't count, it's perfect for when the kids have a play date over because you want the house to look good for when the parent drops the kid off but you know darn right that it's not staying that way for long with an extra kid over. I have one friend who has a cute little cozy home that's way too small for her family of six, but she makes it work because she always has everything in it's place. My lessons learned: A neat, tidy home looks larger than it really is, and even if it looks clean, that doesn't automatically mean it is clean.
 Moving on to the " I don't want to see a speck of dust " classification. This is what I call the military style of cleaning. This takes a real intense house wive to complete such a task, and is usually associated with a huge type A personality. I know one woman friend of mine who runs her household with an iron fist and it shows in all aspects, especially in the shine on her linoleum floors! She must have her house spic and span all the time. I literally have been to her house at least 100 times and it never ever looks any different, that's just not normal. Lesson Learned: There isn't enough time in our life to worry about having a immaculate home 24/7, and no-one is happy with a stressed, anal momma.   
 Finally we get to last style of cleaning for classification, the "I don't give a rat's behind". The person with this idea of cleaning obviously doesn't care what her house looks like. This can be because she is either too busy with other projects or duties that take precedence in her life and simply can't find the time to get any cleaning done. I'd like to think that this is the case for all the people with this going on because if it's not the case then it means they are just too downright lazy to do it. I do admit that cleaning is a job, no-one likes to do it and it can take a lot of hard work and elbow grease, but come on people! My best friend in the whole world happens to be guilty of this lifestyle, she happens to be the one who is just too busy with all the other responsibilities in her life to get some scrub time.
Lesson Learned: When it all boils down, how a person keeps there house doesn't define them in the least. Someone can have it all together in all other aspects in there life and just decides to let the housework slide.
 So it is pretty obvious now that I have spent too much time for my own good focusing on cleaning habits. I don't think there is anything wrong with either one of these types, I just can't help but make quick judgements based on how clean they keep there home. I have spent a ridiculous amount of hour's analyzing and scrutinizing others cleaning styles.  And for what! These are my friends for goodness sake, women I love as much as sisters and what kind of respect do I show them? I apparently have nothing better to do then pay way to much attention to these mundane tasks. I seem to be stuck in this inner battle of mormon; wanna be perfect jessica vs. human; mentally flawed jessica. I already know I have a case of OCD when it comes to my own cleaning but it sure as heck doesn't mean that anyone else has to be as crazy as me in order to keep their own home clean, and more importantly if one of my best friends decides to ignore her domestic duties then so be it, that only makes for more time to spend hanging out!

Classification Essay Outro

So it is pretty obvious now that I have spent too much time for my own good focusing on cleaning habits. I have spent a ridiculous amount of hour's analyzing and scrutinizing others cleaning styles. And for what! These are my friends for goodness sake, women I love as much as sisters and what kind of respect do I show them? I apparently have nothing better to do then pay way to much attention to these mundane tasks. I seem to be stuck in this inner battle of mormon; wanna be perfect jessica vs. human; mentally flawed jessica. I already know I have a case of OCD when it comes to my own cleaning but it sure as heck doesn't mean that anyone else has to be as crazy as me in order to keep their own home clean, and more importantly if one of my best friends decides to ignore her domestic duties then so be it, that only makes for more time to spend hanging out!

Classification Intro # 2 REVISED

Growing up I don't think I paid any attention to whether someone's house was clean or dirty. I just remember playing over at different friend's houses, but I never cared about what they looked like. Later in life I began paying more attention and soon realized that some people are " put things away in the right spot and call it clean" people while others are " everything needs to be wiped and dusted " people and then there always seems to be the " I have plenty of better things to do than clean so screw it" person. It's interesting to me that you never really know what someone's cleanliness level is until you have been inside there home. I have quite a little group of stay at home moms that I hang out with on a regular basis, they are all great, wonderful women but let me tell you; not one of them are the same when it comes to how they keep there home.

Classification Intro # 1 REVISED

As I've gotten older I have learned that there are three types of people when it comes to cleanliness, there is the "everything has to be in order and in it's place" person, there's the " I don't want to see dust on any surface" person and then there is the "I don't give a rat's butt what my house looks like " person. I have an awful habit of noticing immediately what "type" a person is as soon as I enter their home. I don't think there is anything wrong with either one of these types, I just can't help but make quick judgements based on how clean they keep there home. I'm just a young, married woman with kids, but let me tell you, with my group of stay at home mommy friends I have certainly seen my share of "different cleaning styles".

Graf # 17 Reaction to comments on cause essay

 Considering that after Goldfine read my first intro and thought I was going to write about the three reasons why I put off going to school, but I had actually planned on writing about the three reasons why I did end up going to school, I was really really nervous about what final comments I was going to receive after the whole essay was completed. I had swayed back and forth about either sticking to my original plan, or going for what Goldfine had thought I was leading up to. I decided to stick with my original plan and this was the comment I received-  "Almost yes, but graf 3 does not work--not sure how Arizona and Maine winters tie in to personal fulfillment or, really, how personal fulfillment is that different from the material in graf 4.So, think about ways to make graf 3 work in a rewrite. Everything else is fine."  First reaction- Wow, Ok, I have to do a little revising but he didn't make one peep about the direction I choose to go with the reasons. I can totally deal with that. So I wiped out Graf 3 and re wrote it. This is the response I got to that- "Okay, no regrets with graf 3. I'll take it and I'll take the essay at full credit. Cheer up! "Writing is Rewriting" is the 101 motto!"  I immediately thought  Woo hoo!! Ok, so I wined a bit about re-writing but at least it only took one time. Plus he added a cute little slogan to make me feel better. Good deal. I was a happy camper. 

Reaction to classification essays

I hope you don't hold this against me but I don't think I like the classification essay's. Not because the writing is bad or the topics are lame, I just don't think this layout or "style" of essay is my cup of tea. I am actually really nervous about having to write my own. I have no clue what I am going to write about when I get started on it,that's why I like the step by step approach you have us do. First the intro, then the outro and then without even realizing it we have most of it done. If I had to pick one of the sample essays I liked the most it would be the first one " Snakes, and snails and puppy dog tails". I liked how simple it felt compared to the others, and how she used a real life personal example and just compared it to those "sayings". I am going to try and stick with that type of formula when I write mine. Im interested to see if I change my mind at all about these classification essays after all is said and done and mine is written, I may surprise myself.

Graf # 15 Meta-graf

This is the story of what I was doing when I was working on my cause essay:





"Hello? Hey hun, yeah I know it's loud, we are at The Maine Jump so there's lots of kids- anyway I'm just calling to let you know that we are leaving to head to EMMC, so can you get out of work and meet us there? Oh you know, Madison fell off one of the slides and she's bleeding everywhere, I think she needs a few stitches. Ok see you in a few. " Fast forward about 20 minutes and I find myself in the ER feeling super embarrassed as I explain to the third nurse how I don't know exactly what happened to my daughters chin because I was busy working on my English homework. I was actually starting to get upset at the looks I was getting from those nurses, I mean it's the ER for goodness sake! I'm sure they have heard much worse. All I was doing was trying to combine parenting, playtime and homework. Apparently that's not the best idea. As I mentioned in a previous entry of mine, I was pretty much anticipating doing this on-line English course anywhere and at anytime, with the help of my array of technological devices of course. To be honest I was looking forward to that. I imagined sitting in my car waiting in the car pool lane at my kids school; completing a short essay on my ipad. That dream isn't completely crushed, but the fact that my husband moved our desktop computer down stairs to be permanently placed on the dining room table was a good enough hint for even me.